


Banging for Peace

by satbiym



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), HIMYM, references to - Fandom
Genre: Bang for World Peace, Crack, Gen, Humor, Prostitute AU, WOOO, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 05:12:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2054940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satbiym/pseuds/satbiym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Tumblr Account-Agents of Frickle Frackle, wherein someone posted that that sounds like a polite way of saying, prostitute.<br/>So, everyone in this is a prostitute, but it's for world peace.<br/>Maria is cool with it. She created it, after all.<br/>Skye is confused, The Rising Tide did not prepare her for this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Banging for Peace

Skye blinked, as she surveyed the room she had imagined a thousand times…..she really hadn’t adjusted for the poles and glitter.

"Uh…Are you guys undercover?"

"That’s classified. Level 7 minimum" Ward sniffed imperiously and…sashayed? to the bar, pouring himself a surprisingly colourful drink.

Skye’s mind shut down, frantically blaring the “DOES NOT COMPUTE” sign in big, red letter. The Rising Tide did not prepare her for this.

"Oh, hello. Are you the one who’s been jamming our computers, then?"

She turned, grateful for the brief reprieve, to a brunette struggling with what looked like a lab coat, if you ignored the length and frills….and the bare skin underneath.

Never let it be said Skye was scared of bare skin. She ignored looking at the extraordinarily precise eye-work and focused on the pretty brown eyes of the science….person.

"Right, that’s me. Now, sorry if I’m interrupting a Bachelor party, but…Coulson told me to introduce myself to the team?"

_Good girl, Skye. Now, stop gaping like an idiot and start hacking these idiots out of their secrecy._

Skye resisted flinching as she felt something on her leg.

"Really, pet? is that what Coulson told you?"

She turned, with an increasing sense of foreboding, _make or break, poppet._

Huh, she didn’t know _it was even_ possible to look that unimpressed. If she thought Little-Miss-Ooh-What-Does-This-Button-Do was hard to keep eyes off, this was her Kryptonite.

_Whips and chains excite me, indeed._

"Answer me."

Skye automatically (and embarrassingly) straightened up, suddenly wishing she knew parade rest, and yet vindictively glad she didn’t.

This tiny woman was irritatingly commanding.

In her revelations, Skye had forgotten that the woman holding a whip had asked her a question.

Her reminder wasn’t pain-free. Ouchie.

"May. Stop. I want to keep this one." She’d never thought she would be so happy to hear Coulson’s voice.

She gathered her dignity and walked ( _fast)_ towards the only person in the room not baring their midriff (she had a good giggle at _that_ image).

"Okay, Coulson. start talking. I don’t know what all _this_ is. But if you don’t want it all over twitter, I need some explanations”

_Good, Skye. Be stern. Commanding. Eye of the tiger! Bruce Lee!_

Coulson smirked, the _bastard,_ like he knew exactly what she was thinking.

"This, Skye, is the organization you’ve been chasing for half your life."

Well now that he put it that way, it just sounded sad.

"We…. _.persuade_ organizations and powerful people to support our _work;_ ever since our new division opened up, there has been a decrease crime and increase in funds, by almost 50%.”

 Like a highly trained assassin-cum-accountant, Coulson rattled out numbers and statistics, with Stripper!Marie-Curie providing backup.

After he finished his public display of affection to math, Coulson turned to Skye expectantly, with his Band of Merry Wet-dreams looking on.

"So, the only question is, will you join us?"

"Wait-what? I don’t even know what all this IS." Skye just flailed her hands in the direction of the Walking-Eyeliner-Commercial.

Ward sighed, something he managed to do smugly, the _Sasquatch; “See,_ I told you she wasn’t worth it! Let’s just dump her in some alley or shoot her, and be on our way”

"Hey!"

Coulson gave Ward a _look,_ and turned to Skye “You are trying to tell me you don’t what this is? try again, Please.”

"Oh, for the love of-Skye, we are Agents of Frickle Frackle! What does that tell you?" The chiding British voice made Skye feel 50 IQ points stupider.

"I don’t know, Slutty Jane Goodall! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO STUDY THE CHIMPS. Geez what are you people, prostitutes?"

But an inconsiderate voice piped up from behind Skye, interrupting her breakdown. “We really prefer Agent of Frickle Frackle”

"STOP DOING THAT! will you people stop sneaking up behind me?"

Needless to say the rest of Skye’s evening didn’t improve from there.

—-

"Fitz is sometimes really oblivious, like when he thinks Engineering is better than Biochem…He wanted me to apologize for him"

Skye looked up from her crouched position, to see the Declothed version of Rosalind Franklin, carrying a mug.

"It’s fine. I didn’t handle that well, huh?"

"It’s a lot to take in. It’s fine. I’m Jemma, by the way."

"Skye."

Jemme returned the weak smile with a full-fledged, teeth-baring, post 2 cups of coffee smile.

_Is it something in the water here?_

Suddenly feeling bone-tired, Skye looked up and asked, “Can I ask…why?”

Jemma gave her an understanding look, sinking down beside her. “It’s something the Deputy Director’s husband suggested. Maria Hill’s husband doesn’t know about all this”, and she waved a hand about with a rueful smile, “one day he said [that every single international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension. And it could be solved by…removing that tension. ](http://www.theblotsays.com/2009/01/barneyism-of-week-barneys-theory-on.html)

So…she created a new division to test that theory. Don’t tell her husband, but it’s worked pretty well”

Skye sighed and sunk down. She should have burnt the application for The Rising Tide.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr!


End file.
